The stripper got hit in the eye with a box...
]]>Dear John "The Spraytan" Boerner:
I am 7 weeks into my first trimester of pregnancy. Having a baby is supposed to be a fun and joyus time, but when you have complications and no insurance, it's kind of a pain in the ass.
I had to visit the ER the other day due to complications. They diagnosed me with a threatened miscarriage. It is sad that I am unable to advance through our healthcare system because I have no insurance and medicaid is still pending.
I keep hearing how the first trimester is so crucial to the baby's development. If it is so crucial, how come I have to wait until just about the end of my first nine weeks to be under the care of a doctor?
You stated you haven't heard any Americans ask for the public option. I think you need to clean the Mystic Tan out of your ears and listen more closely. I'm an American and I'd like the public option... with a garlic milkshake on the side, please.
I cannot even wrap my mind around the thought that people actually voted or concieved the idea of voting for George W. Bush.
Although I missed his "Ultimate Exit Interview"- his last press conference and proof God does exist, I caught the highlights on MSNBC after I got of work this evening.
Here's some Fun Facts:
Fun Fact #1: Rachel Maddow states job numbers have declined every month since January 2007.
Fun Fact #2: 2.6 million jobs have been lost in 2008 (apparently the most jobs lost since World War II) bringing unemployment up to 7.2%. All with him behind the driver seat.
Fun Fact #3: W. wants to brag on the fact he created 3 million jobs. Mediocrity at it's best.
I can't help but wonder if these 3 million jobs he had created involve the occupation "helicopter driver?"
As far as him feeling remorse for what he's done, he's got the "fuck the haters" attitude down...
"I...I...I...I tell people you can try to be popular... In certain quarters of Europe, you can be popular by blaming the least of your problem on Israel. Or you can be popular by joining the international criminal court. I guess I could've been popular by accepting Kyoto- which I felt was a flawed treaty and proposed something different and more constructive.... Or I could be popular by wearing a t-shirt with a tuxedo screen-printed on it because it says 'I'm formal, but I like to party too."
Okay, so I threw in that last "Or I could be popular..."
When I ask what I'm about to ask, I mean it with all due respect: Am I alone in thinking this guy sounds exactly like Will Ferrell's character in Talledega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby ? And I mean that with all due respect, Will Ferrell.
]]>"Men don’t realize that if we’re sleeping with them on the first date, we’re probably not interested in seeing them again either." -Chelsea Handler
]]>I took it because I felt if I did nothing for much longer, I'd end up getting into something because, you know, idle hands make bastard children.
]]>I'm 26 years old. I should be married and divorced already.
]]>That's grandma's outlook on everything she does.
"I really love what I do." (On day to day tasks... like cleaning....)
I feel you, grandma.
]]>
I don't really like to explain to too many people about whom I date. That's less people I have to explain about how big of a bozo he was, and the less people you explain THAT to, the better.
]]>The stripper got hit in the eye with a box...
]]>Those huge industrial size rolls of toilet paper may seem like a blessing from God when you are wanted to teepee someone's house in middle school, but they are actually really kind of heavy. In theory, it may seem to be a great idea just to jack a couple of rolls from your local park, however, they are so fucking hard to throw. The quality of your job is so much better if you just spring for some at the dollar store.